This can't be all there is. Can It?

OK...so here I am..alone again, naturally. Hey, isn't that a song title? I'm thinking how I'm going to get through the rest of my life. I just lost my husband, I'm old and fat and lonely. I've got to do something! But where to start and ....how to get motivated.
I thought a blog might be a start. I have so many thoughts and emotions. Mixed emotions, at that. Crazy thoughts and longings for the old days. But that would be stupid. They weren't so great either. One thing I know. I can't allow ANYONE to run my life in any way. I've got to get smart and not blow money and get my insurance set up and DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE. AND NOW! But why don't I feel like it? Why can't I get moving? Why am I so ....AFRAID???